My First Therapy Appointment
Some people are unsafe. Some people are not trustworthy.
Many of us have friends that we will entrust with our deepest, darkest secrets.
But there are other people who we wouldn't trust with anything, ever.
We learn these lessons when we trust someone with a piece of our lives, and that person betrays our trust. When that happens, not only is a friendship ruined, but we are less likely to open up in future friendships.
By the time we reach adulthood, many of us have a hard time opening up to anyone at all.
In 2018 when I met my first therapist, shook her hand, stepped into her office, and sat down, I didn’t really know what to do.
I knew why I was there, but I didn’t exactly know how to talk to her about it.
The issues I was having were intensely personal. Private. Stuff only my wife and I knew about at the time.
How do you begin sharing that kind of thing with a stranger?
I’m just supposed to, like, tell her?
How do you respond to someone you’ve never met, who says “So, what’s going on?”
I’m just expected to open myself up entirely?
Obviously I can’t say “Oh, nothing much.” She’d know that's a lie. I wouldn't have sought out therapy if there was nothing much going on.
Life teaches us to remain closed off to others until we've spent at least a few months as friends. “Don't tell intimate details about yourself to others, because they may tell other people, or might use that information against you.”
When I sat down in my therapist's office for the first time, I didn't really know what to say or do.
I'd spent decades learning to avoid telling strangers too much about myself.
Now this lady sitting across from me was expecting me to do exactly that.
Here's the thing: I knew it was safe in the room. I knew my therapist was safe. I knew that she would keep my confidence.
I’m usually the one in the other chair saying “So, what’s going on?”
I’m usually the one being the support. Doing the listening.
And I knew she was doing the same.
I knew that she could and would try to help me improve. Still, it felt wrong. I'd lost so much trust in strangers over the years that it took every ounce of energy to begin unloading my problems onto this person.
I’m glad I went. I’m glad I opened up.
Therapy is good.
Super awkward during that first visit, though.
Nobody warned me about that.