Fix Them or Let Them Go?
You keep talking about deconstruction, but how do we get people to reconstruct their faith?
I’ve been asked this question repeatedly since starting this substack 2.5ish years ago.
I've always responded with “that's a good question” and left it at that.
Not because I'm trying to avoid the conversation.
Not because I'm trying to be coy.
I just don't have a good answer. I wish I did.
How do people reconstruct their faith?
Or should they even do so?
It’s complicated.
Should people who have left their faith come back to the Church? Maybe.
Christian or not, it's the best form of community I've been a part of.
I do think there's value in it.
Or should people leave the Church? Possibly.
The Church has done a lot of damage to a lot of people, and as I've said before (here and here), there's a part of me that thinks the Church as we know it should die out entirely, as it often seems to do more harm than good.
Do I commend people or rebuke them when they say things like “God didn't hurt you, people did?”
On the one hand, I agree. The hurt did come from people.
However, those people are speaking and acting in the name of God. Replying to someone walking away from the church with “God didn't hurt you, people did” diminishes/disregards the lasting damage that God's people have done to:
immigrants,
black and brown people,
queer people,
children being deported,
trans kids,
children,
people of different faiths,
teenagers,
healthcare workers,
the elderly,
the poor,
innocent people being killed from drone strikes, guns, bombs, and leaders who sign off on those acts,
shooting victims,
and anyone whose theological leanings have resulted in threats and accusations.
Yes, people hurt you. But it was God's people, doing it in the name of God. Responding to that pain by defending God might be bad form.
When people deconstruct their faith, should they do it quietly, or loudly and publicly?
I don't know if there's a right way.
I did it quietly until I didn't.
Doing it quietly led to anxiety and shame.
Anxiety because my faith was dying and I didn't know what life would be like on the other side. Or if there even was life on the other side.
Shame because I was a pastor, talking about God each and every week, and helping others in their faith journeys…
….while being unsure I actually believed in that God at all.
Would public deconstruction have been easier?
Maybe.
But it's definitely more dangerous.
Friends’ opinions of me shifted when I started telling people about my faith questions/doubts.
The upside to public deconstruction is that you're bringing light to the ways that your faith is shifting, and ways that the Church has done or taught wrong.
Some of those things need to be heard by people in the Church.
But some churchy folks will respond with vitriol, and that won’t work for everyone.
Once you've started deconstructing your faith in a public way, people are going to ask you repeatedly if you're still a Christian, and will jump on any faith/theology shift that you have.
You'll be a “wolf in sheep's clothing” to a lot of people, and that's not fun.
Faith deconstruction/reconstruction is complicated.
A church that demands you revert to every theological position you had before your deconstruction probably isn't a church worth returning to.
So do you find one that fits you better? Or leave the Church entirely?
I don't really have a good answer.
So far I've stayed.
I think it was the right call for me, but sometimes I’m not sure.
I certainly don't begrudge anyone who thinks differently. I get it.
So in response to the question, “You talk a lot about deconstruction, but how do we get people to reconstruct,” I guess my answer would be:
Maybe we don't try and get them back. Maybe their journey is an important one, not only for them, but for the whole Church.
Maybe they're pulling at threads that need to be pulled.
Maybe they see bad things in the Church that need to be brought to light.
Maybe they see some major problems with the predominant teachings in the Church today.
Maybe we shouldn't be afraid of their journey.
Maybe we let them take it, for their sakes and for ours.
I could be entirely wrong here. Faith shifts are super complex.
If you'd like, leave a comment with how you'd answer, “How do we get people to reconstruct their faith?” or “should people come back to the Church after they've left?”
Maybe I'll loop back to this sometime soon.
A few years out of Christianity and I find the phrase "how do we get people to reconstruct their faith" so telling. I think it is really amazing how Christians believe they have so much influence on other people. There is no way to get other people to reconstruct anything! They choose to do it themselves, and sometimes it looks like not being a part of organized religion at all :) Letting people live their own lives is one of the best parts of becoming a non-Christian for me.
"You keep talking about deconstruction, but how do we get people to reconstruct their faith?" is such a great premise. I think it is easy for us to use the image of construction and deconstruction or demolition when referring to ur faith because we think it is something we build or at least is built.
If we shift our image however to that of journey, as you got to, there really is no deconstruction and reconstruction that takes place. When we are on a journey we make various turns, we make missteps, we succumb to injuries, but we keep going. I think it all counts. I think the crux is less about what is being constructed and more about the journey. The journey is all inclusive. I am not sure building our faith is the best image.
I have most certainly used this image plenty but my mind is wondering this morning... maybe it is time to get rid of deconstruction language and lean more heavily into journey and pilgrimage language?