"Superhero 'Who'd win' arguments are fun until they aren't, and absolutely useless unless you're writing the comic."
"It's like my mom always said: never expect a turd to not stink."
"no one is the villain of their own story, but everyone is the villain in at least one story. Probably much more."
"Living across the street from a hospital makes a child fall in love with life flight helicopters. What sits across the street from you?"
""Thomas Aquinas's Fourth Way is potentially logically fallacious, but don't let that stop you from having fun."
"If you poop in one hand and pray in the other, you'd better be praying 'give us clean hands,' but not pooping in your hands is probably a better choice."
"If you're not using butter, why bother cooking?"
"Always leave a couple of islands untapped."
"Cheese cake is a pie because it has a crust, but no-bake cheesecake is just pudding."
"Videogames are a great hobby for people who have expendable money, spare time, an absence of problems that need immediate attention.
"If your showers aren't at least 45 minutes long, when do you make time for your existential dread?"
Do I get bonus points if all of the above are at least semi-original, and all but one I wrote just in the last 5 minutes?
You can be right and dumb at the same time. Oh, sorry. It's supposed to be all CAPS.
YOU CAN BE RIGHT AND DUMB AT THE SAME TIME.
A BIRD IN THE HAND IS NEVER GONNA HAPPEN BECAUSE THEY CAN FLY AND YOU CAN'T.
OMG this is why we're friends. This whole post is a Seinfeld episode, and I am HERE for it.
Here are my submissions:
-THE AVERAGE DOG SLEEPS 12-14 HOURS PER DAY. YOU'RE REALLY NOT SLEEPING THAT MUCH.
-EVEN ROTTING BANANAS CAN MAKE A GREAT BANANA BREAD.
-A STUBBED TOE IS ONLY A TOE, BUT IT STILL HURTS.
DON'T HELP OTHER PEOPLE WRITE THEIR BOOKS FOR FREE.
😉
DIRT DON’T HURT - GOD MADE IT.
THE MILK MATRON'S GIFT IS A JOY TO RECEIVE, DO NOT LET IT CURDLE BECAUSE OF YOUR NEEDS.
Oh noooooo.....
Don’t measure another person’s corn in your own bushel.
Expectations are premeditated resentments. (Katherine Schmidt)
Cynics are just disappointed romantics.
Here's another....YES, GOD ALSO CREATED POISENESS
MUSHROOMS! DOESN'T MEAN YOU EAT EM"!
ABSOLUTE POWER CURRUPTS ABSOLUTELY! ...I agree, absolutely!
LIFE IS LIKE A BOX OF CEREAL; FILLED BY WEIGHT, NOT BY VOLUME
"Superhero 'Who'd win' arguments are fun until they aren't, and absolutely useless unless you're writing the comic."
"It's like my mom always said: never expect a turd to not stink."
"no one is the villain of their own story, but everyone is the villain in at least one story. Probably much more."
"Living across the street from a hospital makes a child fall in love with life flight helicopters. What sits across the street from you?"
""Thomas Aquinas's Fourth Way is potentially logically fallacious, but don't let that stop you from having fun."
"If you poop in one hand and pray in the other, you'd better be praying 'give us clean hands,' but not pooping in your hands is probably a better choice."
"If you're not using butter, why bother cooking?"
"Always leave a couple of islands untapped."
"Cheese cake is a pie because it has a crust, but no-bake cheesecake is just pudding."
"Videogames are a great hobby for people who have expendable money, spare time, an absence of problems that need immediate attention.
"If your showers aren't at least 45 minutes long, when do you make time for your existential dread?"
Do I get bonus points if all of the above are at least semi-original, and all but one I wrote just in the last 5 minutes?
Plus, no offense, but my son commented that there is a certain symmetry to 963.
I've also heard it said that cynics are just frustrated idealists.